BOAT TRIP (2003). Just what a guy needs after he's dumped by his girlfriend for the Neanderthal who details her BMW -- a getaway on a cruise ship with plenty of "hot ass" ready for action. That's what the forlorn Jerry (Cuba Gooding Jr.) and Nick (Saturday Night Live's Horatio Sanz) anticipate in this unctuous romp directed by Mort Nathan, but the hot asses they encounter are neither soft nor feminine, because they've been duped and booked on a gay cruise. Fortunately they discover a clutch of bikini-clad blondes (the rescued Swedish Tanning Team) and the ship's leggy dance instructor (an inviting Roselyn Sanchez), but for various inane reasons they have to masquerade as a gay couple to get access to these lovelies. Look for double entendres, shrill lessons about sexual preference, and an errant spurt of semen (à la There's Something About Mary). Gooding, a long way from his Oscar ("Show me the money!") days, is game enough to don a feathered tiara and kick it up in the Gay Follies, and former 007 Roger Moore garners some cheeky chuckles as the old queen who recommends the "Hole in One Room," but the kicker is the Gay Mating Game question about sex in a strange place. The response is priceless, but the melodrama in between the high jinks is woefully stilted, so Boat Trip goes bottom up early. (93m)

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